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It Came From Over There Part I
The Art Gallery
Posted 2/17/05 - 9:21 PM
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So here's the deal. Last September I spent a few days in Tokyo. A month prior, Northwest Airlines mysteriously slashed their airfare rates to Asia by 50% and I couldn't think of anything better to do with a week off. My sister Shanna decided to tag along for the opportunity to practice her second-language skills and bask the riches of a 3,000 year old culture. I went to gawk at all the weird kitsch I've been reading about for years on sites like J List.
Between the two of us we took roughly 1,000 pictures. Here's round one in a photo series, broken up by topic, that I'll probably never finish. Today's episode will cover Japanese modern art.
We were heading for the Emperor's Palace in the Otemachi district, Tokyo's business sector, when we came across this window display:
The creepy little girl and the pink sign suggested it might be some sort of candy shop. Shanna immediately took this picture before translating the sign to mean "this shop will make you energetic." In dire need of a pick-me-up after a long subway ride and, since candy kicks ass, we had to investigate further. Upon closer inspection, the murals behind the glass revealed there wasn't a single Snickers bar to be found inside. Each featured a shopkeeper standing in front of their wares. In a grocery store, a silent clerk screamed at unseen customer. In the next one over, a pharmacist stood proudly in front of a shelf filled with pills. Meanwhile, their inanimate neighbor scratched her head in front of a display case stuffed with tiny dolls.
We headed inside and discovered a gallery chock full of modern art. Near the door sat a six foot tall plastic bird display stuffed with change. It looked like the art equivalent of the Pachinko board on "The Price is Right" and a sign nearby (probably) read "suggested donation." For no other reason than wanting to see a coin bounce around, I tossed in a 100 yen. The five-second show was worth the price but neither of us took a picture. Why? Because of this.
Shanna immediately lost interest and wandered off to inspect the gallery's other weird delights. Meanwhile, I was transfixed. From afar, these women looked incredibly life like. This is a country were potentially deadly blowfish is considered a delicacy and travelers pay $40 a night to sleep in cat carriers. Anything was possible. I cautiously approached the duo, expecting one of them to toss a card at me. With my fight or flight reflexes on alert level 4, I finally got close enough to determine they were fakes. I blame the humidity.
As was this plate of blood-soaked ramen noodles that stretched all the way to the ceiling. What was the artist trying to convey with the photographs behind these far-reaching noodles? I have no idea. I can't interpret American modern art, how am I supposed to handle its Japanese counterpart?
Now this one makes perfect sense. It's an indictment of the culture's zealous work ethic. These businessmen are locked in a deadly game of King of the Mountain. Or King of the Cubicle. Whatever. You're probably familiar with "The Office," the incredibly popular British series about office politics. I would Netflix it if every episode included at least one scene of its characters doing battle with horns duct-taped to their heads.
This piece, comprised entirely of rubber bands, must have taken forever to put together. It's a Jackass sketch waiting to happen. Just imagine what would happen if Steve-O jumped in there and used this art display to slingshot himself across the room and into the card ladies. It would be pure comedy gold, right? Of course.
Too bad the show was cancelled years ago.
The place was mostly filled with black and white photographs of city scenes and people moping, just like American art and photo galleries. However, unlike the US equivalent, it did have this. Allow me to employ my nonexistent interpretation skills. Notice the creature's armband. This piece must be a condemnation of the Holocaust and Japan's alliance with Germany during World War 2. Its head, wrapped in a tight shell, serves as a metaphor for modern society's reluctance to acknowledge the sins of its past. The shell completely obscures the creature's perceptions and its sense of history.
Either that or it's supposed the rear-view of a bear with a volleyball stuffed up its tuckus. Same difference. Also: Shanna took this shot.
As we perused the art and took in its many faceted themes and nuances, two men, presumably the artists, sat at a table flipping through magazines. They were busy trying to look as bored as possible and ignored our cameras. Was it because they had the same sort of disdain for us that Americans reserve for Japanese tourists and their tendency to take pictures of everything? Or maybe they were doing what hipsters do everywhere else in the world: act like they've just been injected with a syringe filled with languor.
It should also be mentioned that they looked and dressed like Rod Stewart impersonators. Maybe this was some sort of fashion craze or a bizarre series of coincidences but just about every single guy we saw in Tokyo, under the age of 30, was wearing a pair of tight pants, an open collared shirt and had their hair clogged with no less than three dozen hair care products. During the day they were usually wearing suits as they rode the subway to and fro work but their hair? Still poofed up like David Bowie circa 1973. Here's a visual reference taken from a postcard I found in a shop near the Tokyo Tower.
Meanwhile, all the gals ran the gamut, effectively killing the cliché that Tokyo women all dress and act like schoolgirls well into their 20's. But enough with the fashion digression, back to the art.
I've saved the best ones for last and, by best, I mean the most offensive.
In comparison to Mapplethorpe or that one painting of Madonna painted with cow dung, these next two are pretty tepid. Nevertheless, meet Mr. Toilet.
The symbols on Mr. Toilet's lid means "zero yen." The cards in Mr. Toilet's bowel also mean "zero yen." Were they all price tags? I thought about grabbing the toilet and heading for the door. If the guys up front tried to stop me I could have played dumb and pointed at the cards.
Unfortunately, we had a long itinerary that day and no time for a trip to the local gulag (Tokyo has gulags, right?). Plus, the gallery owners had thoughtfully secured the toilet to the floor.
In the immortal words of Towlie, the talking towel character on South Park, "I have no idea what's going on."
This much I've figured out. The critter in the middle appears to be a chicken with a cavity dug in its back and a pair human feet. It's also wearing a crown. That image on the canvas? Poop or possibly rancid pudding. Those objects around the chicken? Poop monsters? Yes, they can only be poop monsters. Or, quite possibly, dildos.
After a trip to this magical, mystical gallery, the Emperor's Palace was pretty dull in comparison. Hooray for Japanese modern art!
NEXT TOPIC NEXT TIME: Sex and drugs. Possibly rock and/or roll too.
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