- 0 1 0 1 0 - STONEHENGE! Posted - 8/14/03 6:12 PM PST - 0 1 0 1 0 - Stonehenge Where a man is a man and the children dance to the pipes of pan Stonehenge Tis a magic place where the moon doth rise With a dragon's face I will take you there I will show you how -From "Stonehenge" by Spinal Tap - 0 1 0 1 0 - There it sits on a bluff overlooking the Columbia River. A series of large boulders, all in a circle. What are they? Where did they all come from? This mysterious set of neoliths has attracted and fascinated visitors for nearly a century. Welcome to Stonehenge, version 2.0. Located in Goldendale, Washington, Stonehenge easily fits into a top five list of Washington's strangest tourist attractions. It was the dream project of Sam Hill, a local entrepreneur and highway baron. In 1907, Hill purchased 6,000 acres on the bluff in order to start a Quaker agricultural community. The township was going to be called Maryhill, after his daughter. Despite building a post office and market, the plan never came together. Instead, the area would become his family homestead. In 1914, construction on his concrete-poured mansion began. Years, later Hill decided to construct a monument on the edge of the property for soldiers from the county that had lost their lives in World War I. After being mistakenly informed that the original structure in England was used for human sacrifices, he decided to fund the construction of a replica. This new Stonehenge would remind future generations that "humanity is still being sacrificed to the god of war." The altar stone in the center was dedicated in 1918 but the entire structure wasn't completed until twelve years later. By the end of his lifetime, Hill's fortunes had dwindled and he lived just long enough to see his Stonehenge completed. It was opened to the public on May 30th, 1929. Hill's tomb lies at the base of the bluff, but there's no easy path to it. There's a reason for this. One of his last requests was "to be left alone." - 0 1 0 1 0 - "In memory of the soldiers of Klickitat County who gave their lives in defense of their country. This monument is erected in the hope that others inspired by the example of their valor and their heroism may share in that love of liberty and burn with that fire of patriotism which death can alone quench." -An excerpt from the dedication plaque. - 0 1 0 1 0 - What sort of a person builds a replica of Stonehenge in their backyard? Sam Hill isn't the only American that's taken up the hobby. Of all of Europe's numberous classical structures, Stonehenge is the one with the most stateside imitators. While it may be the most accurate replica of the original Stonehenge in the US, Hill's isn't the strangest. The Georgia Guildstones, were erected in 1980 by a group of people claiming they were "looking for the Age of Reason." On each of the slabs, written in twelve different languages, are ten laws encouraging visitors to "unite humanity" and "avoid useless officials." Stonehenge II in Kerriville, Texas is 60% of the original in England and is conveniently located next to Easter Island statue replicas. America's Stonehenge in New Hampshire doesn't look its British namesake but it does profess to have supernatural powers. As America's oldest man-made structure, it attracts thousands of visitors every year. Legends surrounding the site claim that its rocks were astronomically configure and it was used for human sacrifices around 2000 BC. It may or may not also be able to shoot lightening bolts at your head. Most notorious of them all is Carhenge. Consisting of spray-painted cars, residents of nearby Alliance, Nebraska attempted to shut down the attraction in the late '80s. At one point, the state's transpiration department attempted to classify it as a "junkyard" in order to erect a giant fence around it. Built in 1987 by six families during a reunion, the town has since embraced Carhenge. Main Street in Alliance is now full of stands selling "official" merchandise. Currently under construction in New Mexico is Stonefridge, which consists of 200 carefully placed refrigerators. This "monument to consumerism" broke ground in 1996 but has been hampered by city regulations and necessary structural safeguards. - 0 1 0 1 0 - Washington's Stonehenge isn't built out of spray-painted Buicks and it hasn't hosted a single human sacrifice. It does have a gift shop though (!!!). The shop sits across the parking area from the monument and offers t-shirts, mugs and a variety of thunder eggs. To get to these thunder eggs From Portland, Interstate 84 is the best route. The highway runs along the Columbia River, past Multnomah Falls, and the trip usually takes a little over two hours. Signs warning of high winds greet you as approach the Dalles. While the area may be popular amongst windsurfers, those among us that travel in lightweight imports universally hate it. The average Columbia Gorge updraft can shake your car and, if its under-loaded, cause it to slightly fishtail. If you're traveling alone on I-84 in bad weather, the experience rivals anything at Six Flags. At Biggs Junction lies the Sam Hill Memorial Bridge that crosses the Columbia and begins highway 97 towards Goldendale. After a steep ascent, Stonehenge sits below the highway on the right. Brown signs, some of them laden with bullet holes, guide the way. - 0 1 0 1 0 - Even on a busy day the attraction feels like a cemetery, which it is, more or less. Because it sits far from the highway, the area surrounding Stonehenge is unusually quiet. Visitors tend to speak in hushed whispers and even dogs tread lightly. The eerie somberness is broken when you note the graffiti that covers several of the slabs. Along with names and hearts, a sandblasted "boner" (*snicker*) lies on the south side. During the day, the place is downright placid. But the "boner" reveals a seedier side to this roadside attraction. According to a local police officer, the monument has to be constantly patrolled after dark. Teens love to use it as a drinking spot and the altar in the middle of Stonehenge is a favorite among exhibitionists. The size of a double bed, it's an open invitation for an after-hours boinkfest. Grab a significant other and give it a try...if you don't mind an audience of drunken varsity teammates and bored highway patrolmen. Washington pagans also use the site in solstice ceremonies. - 0 1 0 1 0 - Is Sam Hill's Stonehenge worth a two-hour drive? That probably depends on what you plan on doing with it. The replica is great for pictures and, yes, probably boinking too. It would make a great set for a low-budget zombie flick or Mormon propaganda film. Maybe even a combination of all of the above. As far as tourist attractions go, it's liable to hold your interest for about five minutes. Just be sure to wave to Sam on the way back to your car. - 0 1 0 1 0 - If you're traveling along I-84 towards Stonehenge, you're liable to see a sign for Spooky's. It belongs to a pizzeria in the Dalles. The interior resembles your average Izzy's but there has to be some sort of story behind the restaurant's name. Does it have a controversial history of racial stereotyping ala Cook's Chicken in "Ghost World"? Was it named after a local hermit, who was dubbed Spooky? Or is the place just haunted? A internet search has yielded no answers. If anyone out there can shine a light on this mystery, please contact website1981@hotmail.com. Next time: Why Krispy Kreme will eat your soul. Previous -->