- 0 1 0 1 0 - GET OUT OF THE ROAD a review of the protest Posted - 2/04/03 12:57 PM PST - 0 1 0 1 0 - On Saturday the 18th a crowd of 20,000 protesters rallied in the streets of downtown Portland. It was one of the largest peace rallies in the history of the city. A meager cast of 12,00 turned out for the last Persian Gulf production in 1991. This decade's cast consisted of the young and old, the washed and unwashed and the Pasaat-owning and non-Pasaat owning. They carried signs, chanted and drank coffee from insulated Eddie Bauer mugs. A good time was had by all. Well, except everyone in the audience. The protest began at some point and ended sometime later. At its height, the crowd stood almost shoulder for several blocks across three lanes of traffic. It was impressive sight to behold and the audience on the sidewalks took photos to immortalize the production. But size ain't everything. As far as anti-war demonstrations go, the protest was a tepid affair. The performances were, for the most part, weak and uninspired. The casts were subdued low, almost reserved. Maybe the producers were afraid of breaking a noise ordinance. An audience member standing in Pioneer Square, only four blocks from the epicenter, would have been unable to hear the drums and chants. Where was the passion, the commitment, the heart? It certainly wasn't in the protestor's chants of "forget Iraq, attack Bush." A good protest lives and dies by the slogans on its signs. The offerings here were dull and uninspired. For every War is Just Terrorism With a Bigger Budget, there were hundreds of No Blood for Oils. Down with Bush? Peace: Back by Popular Demand? *Yawn* A preschooler high on glue sticks could come up with better. Most of the signs looked like they had been recycled from a pervious military effort. The cast consisted mostly of families and the over 30-set. If not for the signs, many of the attendees would have looked they were strolling through a mall in search of a Jamba Juice. Grandmothers in wheel chairs were even in attendance. What kind of self-respecting protest allows people over 60 to participate? What were the producers thinking? While the production drew the ire from motorists, the average March of Dimes is more volatile and urgent. Costumes were a low point. Most of the attendees were outfitted in parkas and pullovers. Jeans and cargo pants covered nearly every appendage. Dreadlocks, gasmasks and hemp bracelets were few and far between. The threat of a major military conflict should inspire more creative ensembles. The climax was a tremendous disappointment, to say the least. Rather than throwing punches or stripping, the cast calmly gathered in the North Park blocks. Many stood around chatting, behaving like they were at a family barbecue. Someone set up a pair of speakers and played "Masters of War" at a reasonable, respectable volume. In a vain effort to infuse life into the proceedings, three protestors climbed a statue near the Portland Art Museum. No one really noticed. Where were the batons? The cops in riot gear? The tear gas? The flying bottles? Was anyone arrested? Doubtful. Where was the mace? Somewhere else. You call this a peace protest? With no police confrontations or broken glass? While Porltand's city budget has been hit hard in recent months, there's no excuse for the miniscule police presence on hand. Most of the officer in attendance looked, and possibly were, sedated. Who can blame them? In light of the 1999 WTO protests, a violent summer protest and even a recent Keystone-fueled production in Eugene, this effort was duller than a PTA meeting. Two protesters brought their dogs along. Each carried a sign attached to its collar reading "Puppies for Peace." The canines looked bored. I was bored. If Iraq Protest '03 had been a movie, it would have been rated PG for mild language. Grade: C-