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ONE LAST GO ROUND:
A Review of Saturday's Day of Mourning in Portland
Posted - 4/17/03 10:52 PM PST
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"We need another TV head! Who wants to be a TV head?"
A girl with a cardboard box on her head is trying to recruit others. In her hands is a yellow ribbon that stretches up to the neck of a tall plaster skeleton. She and her colleagues look like dancers at May Day celebration in Purgatory.
How do you protest a war that's already over? If you live in Portland, TV helmets and cheerleader outfits are key ingredients. If you don't have any lying around the house, a cardboard coffin will do nicely.
The May Pole skeleton.
On April 12th, around 3,000 protestors once again converged on Waterfront Park to demonstrate the war in Iraq. While thousands in Baghdad were kicking back with looted Panasonics after days of street parties, protestors in Stump Town were still totting "No War in Iraq" signs.
Only the organizers seemed to be aware that the conflict unofficially ended on the Monday prior. They planned accordingly. Unlike the three previous protests that have irked Saks customers in recent months, this one had a theme, kind of like a prom. This wasn't a demonstration it was a "funeral procession."
Things kicked off around 3:30 PM. While speakers addressed the crowd from a mobile stage dubbed the "Peace Train," a pair of street preachers held their own protest. One, inexplicably dressed as a movie director, screamed, "Stop the war against God" to anyone who would listen. His colleague, clutching a small Bible, was dressed in a stark black suit. At one point, an aging demonstrator attempted to reason with them. "You have a right to express your views," he stammered. "But could you do it a little more quietly?" This request was met with a "Repent now!" blast from the director's megaphone.
The Director, Preacher Man and Chouder Boy.
As one speaker attempted a moment of silence for the troops overseas, the suit sputtered to life. He stormed through the crowd of lowered heads shouting and wielding his book like a sword. "Just ignore him," she suggested. "That's how they get attention."
Later, the crowd held motorists at bay as they snaked through downtown streets. A row of protestors lead the march with a banner that read, "The world says no to war." A few dozen pallbearers followed close behind, carrying black coffins to represent overseas casualties. In keeping with the funeral theme, the demonstrators were almost silent.
After only a few blocks though, the drums and chants began. One group yelled, "This is what democracy looks like" as the TV heads sarcastically told onlookers to go home. "Everything's fine," they loudly reported. "Let's go shopping." Meanwhile, a line of Portland's finest idly guarded a federal building.
Hmmm....
The demonstration paused outside of the KOIN Tower, home of the local CBS affiliate. One speaker climbed into the Peace Train to criticize the network for sanitizing images of the war. While she argued with the dark office windows overhead, camera crews from the NBC and ABC affiliates stood on the sidelines.
Following a lengthy diatribe, the procession continued on towards the Oregonian where about a dozen protestors held a "Dead In." A local reverend read a series of prayers before the crowd replied, "Amen." After a quick pit stop at the office of Willamette Week, they crowd finally converged on Pioneer Square for the funeral itself.
In comparison to Portland's other anti-war demonstrations, this one was almost microscopic in size and stature. Previous protests drew upwards of 20,000 attendees. Estimates for Saturday's puts the attendance at somewhere between 3,000 and 5,000. The average Denver Nuggets game draws higher numbers. While the organizers made up for the lack of attendance with a creative theme, a few fake coffins don't make for a good protest.
What were these two up to? Were they protesting protesting? Or did they just wander in from the Bizzaro Universe? You be the judge.
On top of it all, the local media couldn't have cared less. Peaceful protests don't yield good ratings. Earlier, larger demonstrations have drawn heavy live coverage from local news affiliates. The March 20th "War Day Melee" attracted a hoard of news choppers and national coverage. In the skies over Saturday's protest, not a single helicopter could be found. Even KOIN, which drew the laser-pointed ire of the protestors, didn't bother to send a news crew downstairs. The Oregonian offered only a blurb about the event in their Monday edition.
The scene at the tower works as a good-enough metaphor for weeks of local demonstrations. The crowd looked like fleas arguing with an indifferent, brick-covered whale. If even the media in Portland would rather report on high school swim meets and traffic accidents, then what's the point?
While crazier protests have drawn more attention, they haven't been anything more than an opportunity for local activists to vent their frustrations. Marches in DC and far-flung European metropolises get more press coverage but accomplish just as little. Massive worldwide demonstrations in January earned nothing more than a smug retort from the Commander in Chief.
Grrr, KOIN Tower hears tiny humans! KOIN Tower doesn't care! KOIN Tower SMASH!!!
The short of end of it? Anti-war protests are a waste of time. They're costly too. March 20th's skirmish cost Portland, a municipality already drowning in a barrel of money woes, over $200,000 in PPD overtime. European protests come with a higher price tag on top of countless injuries. Besides stitches and tear gas rashes, what's the result beyond self-satisfaction for the participants? The war machine rolls on and tax payers are stiffed with the bill.
Consider this option: Most of the protestors, in Portland at least, have been under the age of 25. What do Americans under the age of 25 love? Video games.
The US Army recently posted a free downloadable game on one of their many propaganda sites. America's Army offers citizens an official glimpse into the life of the average ground pounder. Maybe it's time for little federal funding to go towards the development of White House: Splinter Cell
Vancouver for peace? HA! HA! HA! OK, that's not as funny as Longview for peace.
WH:SC would offer protestors an opportunity to run a simulated administration. Rather than steamroll a $80 billion dollar effort to "liberate" the Middle Eastern country of their choosing, players could opt to direct tax dollars towards paltry concerns like diplomacy, nuclear disarmament and kitten homelessness. In a just a few hours, a digitized America can be turned into a utopia or, well, a recession plagued nation that turns a blind eye to its domestic problems in order to play in the sand.
A game like this would discourage protestors from congregating to block traffic and allow them the same false sense of accomplishment. A few thousand strategically placed CDs in coffee houses and student unions around the nation could save city governments millions when the US goes to war with Syria.
Problem solved. As for Saturday's protest, it earns...
Grade: C-
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