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Saturday, February 28, 2009Further proof that capitalism isn't dead yetThis no doubt lucrative enterprise is about to set up shop along SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, just a few doors down from the Dragon Herbarium. With a cantina already located between the two, this could become the West Hill's premiere controlled substances district. Whippets, Corona and bongs all within mere feet of one another. What more could you possibly need to weather the ongoing economic apocalypse, people? Awesome. How badly do I want to get a photo of this sign on a t-shirt? Kinda badly. If you were to cut that sign it would probably bleed pure, unfiltered civic pride. Labels: Vices
The Urban Iditarod
Two weeks from today the Portland Urban Iditarod will tear through the streets of downtown. I would have participated in this year's race if I could have found four drunks to drag me around the course in a shopping cart. Some friends and I talked about forming a team last week but plans quickly fell apart after everybody got into an argument over who would get to be the musher.
So I guess I'll just have to settle for playing spectator. Photos to come? You betcha. Labels: sports
Friday, February 27, 2009Would you trust this bowl of spaghetti sauce with your life? I woke up on Monday, as I often do on Mondays, and noticed an odd smell in my kitchen. A quick search later, I discovered that I had absently-mildly left a bowl of spaghetti sauce in my microwave the night before. Now most normal people would have immediately tossed it out but I hesitated. You see, I put a lot of effort into this sauce. And a lot of organic vegetables from New Seasons. I had planned to make multiple meals out of the contents of that bowl and I wasn't about to just toss it out without first consulting the internet. Surely, there was no way that nasty germs and fungi could have infiltrated both a closed microwave and the Saran Wrap covering the bowl. Now you might be surprised to learn that there isn't a lot of information out there about this particular dilemma. A Google search didn't turn up much so I turned to Twitter. Four of my online colleagues told me to eat it and, presumably, didn't do so because they wanted me to puke my brains out. One theorized that the tomatoes in the sauce would have essentially pickled the meat and anything else with the potential to go bad. Another told me to make sure I heated it to a certain temperature first. I tossed the sauce in the freezer, took a chance on it a few nights later and again the following night. So far, I'm not dead and I'm pretty sure I've successfully ducked botulism. My thanks goes out to all those Twitter folks and Paul Newman, RIP, who's stellar spaghetti sauce recipe no doubt prevented me from spending twelve consecutive hours in the bathroom. Labels: fun with food
Lessons learned from this year's PIFF The Portland International Film Festival came to an end last Sunday. This was my first year covering it as a member of "the press." Here's a quick, belated wrap-up: Click here for the Portland Mercury's festival wrap-up. Labels: PIFF
Tuesday, February 24, 2009The greatest thing the art world has ever seen? It can be found for two nights only at Holocene
The Mona Lisa?
Meh. Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night? *yawn* Everything created by the Italian Masters? [rolls eyes] All of those pale in comparison to a masterpiece that can be found tonight and tomorrow at Holocene. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, distinguished members of the art world I give you....  ...the Pancake Hole, the 7th hole at Holocene's Fourth Annual Minigolf Art Invitational (link). If you travel all the way to Paris to visit the Louvre will you get a free pancake for your efforts? Afraid not. If you get a hole-in-one on the pancake hole though? Free pancake. With maple syrup. And if that wasn't enough? A free plastic fork.  The 12-hole course created by local artists and organizations around Portland really is something else and much more interesting than what can be found at your average putt-a-round. The first hole has a plot-line involving cartoon characters and their doomed search for a "temple of eternal cuteness." The last time I visited the mini-golf course at the Family Fun Center in Wilsonville? Nope, they didn't have anything like that. Nor a hole along the lines of the second hole, which forces players to use four security cameras to guide their ball towards a chute that will place it near its target. The course is much tougher than the two in Wilsonville. I didn't earn myself a free pancake and I wound up getting 12 strokes on the "Tiger Woods" hole (get it?). My pathetic putting skills drew the ire of an Artie Lange-lookalike who spat, "See, this is why you're still single" at me as I left in search of the fourth hole. When was the last time I felt this humiliated? Probably sometime in high school gym.  For it's worth, he fared no better. That's one tough Tiger Woods-inspired mini-golf hole/art installation. Maybe I should have dared him to compete in a Caddyshack-inspired tournament. I would have called dibs on the dancing gopher.  Other holes included one made entirely out of miniature tourist attractions from around Portland and another with a hand-cranked stamper machine. Perhaps the most difficult was the 11th hole, which required players to bounce their ball off two walls and onto a green four-feet off the ground.  I don't think Portland will see a more quirky or cool art event in 2009. The invitational runs tonight and tomorrow. $8 will get you inside and the doors open at 6 PM. Players can vote for their favorite hole and the winning designer will go home with a $1,000 prize. If you walk off the course with less than 100 strokes you're a better golfer than I. Photos of the entire course can found over here in a Flickr gallery. Also: a quick thanks goes out to my sister Shanna, who got me in to last night's "friends and sponsors" pre-show.
Monday, February 23, 2009How would students in Oregon deal with Skull and Bones?
A few years ago, I interviewed a Yale graduate for an article about his efforts to set a world record. The conversation turned to his alma mater and I made the mistake of jokingly asking him about Skull and Bones. You could have heard a pin drop. His face went blank and he grimly told me, "I can't talk about it." I asked him if he was serious and he repeated the same line more firmly, suggesting that he would walk out on the interview if I asked him further questions about the organization. I never did figure out if he had been messing with me or if he was truly a former "Bonesman" sworn to secrecy.
Conspiracy theories and outlandish allegations have surrounded the secretive student club for over a century, everything from bizarre initiation ceremonies to the elaborate plot by former members to help fund Hitler's war effort. On Friday, the New York Times ran an article about former United States attorney general Ramsey Clark's lawsuit over one of the most widely heard rumors about Skull and Bones. Supposedly, Prescott S. Bush, the grandfather of GW, once raided the grave of Geronimo and made off with his skull, two bones, a bridle and a few stirrups. Allegedly, all of these items are still on display within the group's clubhouse "tomb" at Yale. The lawsuit, on behalf of Geronimo's descendants, hopes to confirm the rumor and, if true, return everything to its proper resting place.  I first heard about Skull and Bones from an old episode of The Simpsons (Mr. Burns is a former member) and I still find it hard to believe that such an organization is still operating. Perhaps its continued existence is a testament to the indomitable traditions (and pompousness) of America's top universities. Several Ivy League schools in the country still have at least one secret society student club. But one place that you never seem to see these organizations? On the campuses of state universities. I can just imagine what would happen to a secretive club like Skull and Bones at my alma mater, the student activist-clogged University of Oregon, if it was revealed, or even rumored, that its members possessed the stolen body parts of a Native American icon. A few hundred students would stage a sit-in in front of the clubhouse before kicking down the doors and, if the artifacts were found, stealing them back. Each member of Skull and Bones would then be ostracized and ridiculed on the streets and by every student publication on campus. The story would make the pages of The Oregonian and the campus would be flooded by TV news crews from all over the Northwest. Shortly thereafter, graffiti would cover every inch of the exterior of their clubhouse and maybe someone would eventually get around to burning the place to the ground. No, seriously. All of this would happen. I guarantee it. Maybe this is another example of how things are done differently on the west coast. Out here the stereotypical college student is more concerned with saving the world, whereas their east coast, Ivy League counterpart is too busy trying to run it. Anyway, if my interviewee had been more forthcoming, one of my first questions would have been about Skull and Bones' cleaning staff. Regardless of its secretive, cult-like activities, somebody's gotta tidy up and dust off Geronimo's skull every once and a while, right? The heirs to America's most powerful families sure aren't going to do it.
Sunday, February 22, 2009Oscar predictions '09
Can I beat Nate Silver and his fancy software at predicting this year’s Oscar winners? Let’s find out. Last year I went 10 for 15.
Labels: movies
Friday, February 20, 2009Is this real, part 2? I wouldn't have thought so if I hadn't seen six bags of the stuff sitting in the middle of the Burlingame Fred Meyer. Disney's Old Yeller Dog Food, because nothing says quality eats for your pooch like a 52 year-old film about a beloved family pet succumbing to the effects of rabies. Some future Disney tie-ins I'd like to suggest here: Finding Nemo Tackle Boxes, Bambi's Mother Venison, Wicked Witch Brand Juice Boxes and Mulan's Shanghai Chicken McNuggets. Oh wait, that last one actually existed. Labels: anipals
Thursday, February 19, 2009Is this real?
I'm skeptical but this photo did appear in the Oregonian today. Matt Davis says he'd like to have a version of it as an oil painting. I think it would look better as a mural on the side of City Hall.
PIFF film # 9 - Idiots and AngelsOne morning a jerk with a flattop haircut wakes up and discovers that he's grown a pair of wings overnight. As if this weren't enough of a problem, they begin making him do good deeds. The latest animated feature from Plymptoons is a gothic trip through seedy bars and suburbs and a bit of a dark turn for former local Bill Plympton. It's a long way from those Taco Bell commercials he did in the early '90s. Idiots and Angels is full of the animator's signature brand of physical humor and surreal imagery. The main character attempts a multitude of things to rid himself of his new appendages, a bar owner takes out his competitors with grenades and a crowd of burn victims wrapped up like mummies all frantically run around looking for a still-open watering hole where they can wash away their troubles. With its noir-ish shadows and visuals, the movie is also Plympton's best looking feature to date and the soundtrack includes songs from Tom Waits and Pink Martini. Mr. Plympton was at the screening I went to last night and said that he came up with the premise for Idiots and Angels while in France on the spot after a teenager asked him about his next movie. After the screening, he signed postcards in the lobby with sketches of bulldogs. What a cool guy.
Labels: PIFF
And now is the time on Sprockets when I hustle for comments
Over the past year, Another Portland Blog has struggled to draw reader comments, the supposed life-blood of any successful blog. I've decided to run with something suggested by Pete, a long-time reader, commenter and compatriot. If posts about film festivals and beer taxes aren't going to generate feedback, maybe writing a whole bunch of crazy stuff will do the trick. So, without further ado, here's a bunch of invective specifically brewed to piss you off with some additional contributions from Pete. Here we go....
 Internet trolls? Are you there? C'mon over. It's supper time! Labels: witless satire
Wednesday, February 18, 2009The final days of Late Night
Late Night With Conan O'Brien, one of things that got me through college, only has three shows left before its host moves to LA to take over The Tonight Show. O'Brien is sure to tone things down for his new time-slot. Among the things not invited to go with him? The best self-pleasing, fur-covered, diaper-wearing character in the history of late night American television.
That's right. The Masturbating Bear has been retired. What could be his final appearance occurred during last night's show. It can be viewed in its entirety here. The bit, which involved the bear getting frozen into carbonite, escaping and hooking up with a certain cast member of the original Star Wars trilogy was hilarious but maybe not quite as memorable as the time he jumped out of a plane and interrupted Conan's stint in Chicago. Throughout the past two weeks, the show has rolled memorable clips from its 16 year run. Among my favorites, an evening when O'Brien made the mistake of getting drunk with his producer in an Italian restaurant and the time he went target shooting with Hunter S. Thompson. Labels: tv
The Simpsons in HD
Last week's episode of The Simpsons was the series' first in HD and it also marked what I'm pretty sure is the first time the opening has been updated since the show debuted in 1990. There's new gags and the "whip-pan" has been redone to include an epic, split-second face-off between God and the devil. The new opening can be found on YouTube over here.
 Neat. A side-by-side comparison can be found here (thanks, Bill). Labels: tv
PIFF film # 8 - KaramazovsI think it was around the time that an elderly audience member started yelling back at the screen in Polish that I decided I should have stayed home to watch last week's episode of 30 Rock instead of going to see Karamazovs. This film from Czechoslovakia incorporates all the worst elements of art house cinema: it's too bleak for its own good, it's completely convinced it's brilliant and it includes way too much flabby middle-aged male nudity. The film begins well enough. A group of actors descends upon a run-down factory to stage an unusual production of The Brothers Karamazov. They laugh and joke but once they arrive they become completely obsessed with pouring over Dostoevsky's words. What starts out as a decent comedy-drama immediately mutates into a meandering stage adaptation of the novel. The actor's various subplots established in the opening moments are all but forgotten and are never wrapped up. Karmazovs jumps the tracks fifteen minutes in and what follows is a cinematic wreck worthy of a serious industrial plant accident. I've walked out of movies maybe twice in my life and the only thing that kept me from ditching Karamzovs was the fact that I would have had to trip over ten people to get to the aisle. Plus, I wanted to find out what was going to happen to the old Polish guy who wouldn't shut up. He finally pipped down after about ten minutes but the characters on screen? They kept prattling on. The film's only redeeming moment? When one of the actors decides to grab a puppet and engages in an amusing but snide mockery of Doltovesky's writing habits. I get the movie. I understand that the actors become so immersed in their own pettiness and devotion to their craft, like the educated classes that came before them, that they do nothing to help out a struggling member of the proletariat in their midst. Nonetheless, I still think this one sucked.
Labels: PIFF
Tuesday, February 17, 2009A nearly 2,000% increase in the state beer tax? Er, no thanks.
Back in 2005 when I was an intern at Willamette Week, one of the editors called me into his office and asked me to contact a lobbyist from Alaska. He was in town trying to get any local journalist that would listen to him to write an article about his efforts to increase the state beer tax. Supposedly, this lobbyist had successfully convinced the state legislature in his home state to jack up their beer tax and now he was down in Oregon to do the same thing here. At the time he was up against Karen Minnis, the then Speaker of the House, who was, in his words, "completely in bed with the beer industry."
He claimed his motivations were primarily fueled by a desire to discourage kids from drinking and finding a revenue source for the prevention and rehabilitation of alcoholism in Oregon. I can't remember what third party was funding his efforts. After the would-be lobbyist caused a bizarre ruckus at the capitol building in Salem with another advocate, the editor nixed the story and I never heard another word about their proposal. I didn't support the lobbyist's relatively modest proposal, which would have supposedly increased the average pint of beer in Oregon by eight cents and I certainly don't support the insanity that is HB 2461, a piece of legislation that would jack up the beer tax to $49.61 for every barrel (roughly $1.00 to $1.50 a pint at your local tavern). Several state blogs, the editorial pages of local newspapers and drinkers quaking in their boots over the possibility of $6.00 pints are all up in arms over the proposal. I have no idea who's pulling the strings behind the five state lawmakers pushing for this latest increase but why are they doing it? Well, the state is running low on dough but statewide drug and alcohol addiction services are also hurting for revenue. Nevertheless, the bill is a sin tax, pure and simple, and the links above can provide a much more informed denouncement of it than I can. So here instead are my proposals for some other things around here that could also use some taxes: Also: the state business tax could probably still use some work. Didn't Intel pay a grand total of, maybe, $5.00 a few years ago?
A night at the
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